Stress and Burnout – what’s the difference?
Some people may use these terms interchangeably, but they’re very different experiences which require very different treatment. They are however both responses to threat, strategies your body has evolved to get your needs met and to thrive and survive in a chaotic, unpredictable, and dangerous world. Neither stress nor burnout is a sign that there is anything wrong with you, but they are a signal that something somewhere needs to change. Understanding whether you’re experiencing stress or burnout is an essential first step to knowing what to do next.
Put simply, stress is activating energy, whereas burnout is deactivating energy.
Stress is what we feel when there is a challenge or a threat to overcome, and our body responds with extra energy, and extra drive. It burns through precious stored resources because it believes the fight is winnable, and the challenge is worth engaging. Our stress response is typically the fight/flight response – it’s what happens when there is a threat that can be fought or escaped from. Either way, the body becomes activated, and prepared for movement.
Burnout is what we experience when the body believes the threat is too big, too chronic, or just unbeatable. Either too much work, or not enough reward to make the pay-off worthwhile. Perhaps no community support, no acknowledgement, no chance of ever getting to the end of it all and having known that you’ve made a meaningful difference. Burnout is what happens when the body says “no”, and turns off the taps.
What do they feel like?
Stress and burnout are very different experiences, but one often leads to the other, so they can become blended, and then it’s hard to know how to respond.
Stress is the fight/flight/freeze/fawn response – how evolution has shaped our bodies to respond to threat.
Fight – the racing pulse, racing thoughts, restlessness, difficulty sleeping, loss of appetite, libido, digestion problems, inability to relax and enjoy life. The body is preparing you to engage the challenge, and everything else gets deprioritised. Family life suffers, hobbies and passions are forgotten, it’s all about the threat, whatever that may be.
Flight – many similar symptoms, but the body is taking you away from the threat, not toward it. This may mean inability to engage in honest conversations, escapism, hobbies and passions start taking up all your time, anything to take you away from the job/marriage/situation, or whatever the threat may be.
Freeze – this is what happens when the body can’t decide between fight or flight, and so it freezes up. It’s the deer in the headlights response. Importantly though, it’s not burnout. The body is still priming you for action, it just doesn’t know which way to send you. This can feel like both the accelerator and the brake pedals are pushed at once – all energy but no movement.
Fawn – pleading with the dragon not to eat you. This is when the body sees submission or capitulation as a possible way out. Again, it’s not burnout. It’s not giving up, it’s still an active strategy aimed at resolving the threat. In reality it looks like always saying “yes” to others, taking on every responsibility, being as pleasant and helpful as you possibly can. And it’s exhausting.
Burnout is what happens when these strategies no longer work, and when the body recognises that to keep engaging in them is to use energy with no hope of success. Instead, it switches off the lights, disconnects the battery, and hopes that if you stay still and quiet the threat will pass you by. It’s the play-dead response, one of nature’s oldest safety strategies. It can feel like hopelessness, despair, or disconnection. It can feel as though you’ve aged twenty years, just moving your body around is an effort, and the thought of taking on any task, even replying to a whatsapp from a friend, is too much to manage.
How did I get here?
This is typically where therapy starts – the question isn’t “are you doing too much” or “how can I do more”, it’s more like “where are you trying to get to, and why?”. The reason is that many of us are pressured to walk paths that do not belong to us. We are expected to take on jobs that are meaningless to us, to play family roles that are chosen by others, or to somehow live lives that other people want us to be living. This puts us in chronic opposition to being our own authentic selves. And it’s a threat that never resolves, as we can’t ever become anyone other than who we are, we can only pretend to. Stress can be healthy and natural when it’s in service of our own authentic goals. Stress gives us the energy we need to overcome challenges and walk our own paths with power and dignity. It’s a short-term strategy for short-term obstacles. But if we’re walking someone else’s path, then the road itself becomes an obstacle, and the stress response never has a chance to resolve anything. This path leads only to burnout.
What needs to change?
In my Bournemouth practice I ask clients to first of all establish some sort of ‘Personal North Star’ – a sense of what they want their life to aim at. It doesn’t have to be a specific goal, generally it’s better to establish a value, or set of values, that can guide and inform choices. Then we can ask “does this marriage/job/situation align with those values?” and if the answer is “no” then we know where the change needs to happen. But knowing what type of change takes more work, and developing the capacity for it is more work still. This is why the standard advice of “just take a break” or “just keep pushing” is often wrong – taking a break may be freezing or fleeing. It may be an attempt to ignore or escape the problem. What happens after the break, do you just walk straight back into the dragon’s den unchanged? Or just pushing through might mean taking on more work, more responsibilities, saying “yes” to more and more things you should be saying “no” to, heading toward burnout. And after that? Without change the cycle begins again.
How stress & burnout therapy can help.
Therapy can help by establishing meaningful, authentic goals and direction for your life, so that the challenges you face are ones you can win, and want to engage in. It is about asking “is my life serving me, or am I just serving others?“. If you’re experiencing stress then it must be helpful to your own goals, activating you to direct your energy to an achievable objective. If it isn’t then your direction needs to change.
If you’re experiencing burnout then it must allow you the time and space to re-establish safety and agency, so that you can start making meaningful moves again in a direction of your choosing. Therapy isn’t about telling you to give up, it’s about changing your aims and objectives so that your efforts are rewarded, and life flows again rather than grinds.
My approach to stress & burnout therapy
In my Bournemouth practice I draw heavily on Polyvagal Theory, a relatively modern understanding of how our bodies respond to threat through three predictable pathways:
Social Engagement – the green light. Also called the Rest & Digest mode. Where we find ourselves when the threats have been dealt with and we can relax.
Sympathetic State – the amber light. The fight/flight stress response. It is often experienced as anxiety, and when utilised can be a powerful agent of change.
Dorsal Collapse – the red light. Burnout. Often experienced as depression or despair. The way out is up – up through the amber lights of anger, anxiety, and action. But only when the body feels it’s safe to do so.
Ready for the next step?
If you’d like to know more, or ask how therapy could help you, please click the button below to get in touch. I offer a free, no obligation half hour consultation where we can discuss what you’re experiencing, and if therapy could help.