Addiction isn’t a problem, it’s a solution to a bigger problem. Without that understanding, the only tool we have is “have you tried not doing it?” which almost never works on its own. Once we become aware that we are addicted (to a substance, or a habit, or a behaviour, or digital content) then we must ask – what does this help me to avoid? That’s where addiction counselling starts, that’s the bigger problem that must be solved.
Why do we get addicted?
Most addictions start as successful strategies for solving problems. How do I stop feeling pain? How do I feel more pleasure? How do I deal with boredom or stay awake or get to sleep? Whether we’re talking about shopping or porn or social media or anything else, addiction starts as an effective way to get a need met, but as the behaviour hacks the brain’s reward system, flooding it with dopamine that the brain adjusts to, the behaviour or substance becomes the only way to get that need met.
The solution has become its own problem.
Stopping just leaves the original problem, but now it’s multiplied as the brain has less ability to regulate itself, and it seems that the only choice is to continue spiralling downward.
How common is addiction?
Some people still see addiction as a ‘dirty little secret’, but it’s becoming increasingly obvious that we are almost all addicted to something. For many of us, it’s something perfectly legal and socially acceptable such as phones or social media. Sugar and processed food is another. Wine, vapes, cheap credit, society is flooding us with pressures and then selling us solutions to those pressures. It’s becoming harder to remain balanced, regulated, calm, and satisfied. As we collectively become less able to tolerate simply being without a stimulation or a distraction, society invents new solutions and means of delivery for us. It’s hard, and getting harder, to escape the cycle of problem and solution.
What do I help with?
In Bournemouth, the most common addiction issues I see currently are:
Drugs – ketamine, cocaine, and alcohol are the most common. They usually start recreationally but can easily become habitual and harmful.
Gambling and financial compulsions – there’s a rush, then an easy win, but then losses stack up and the temptation to gamble up a solution starts looking like the only way out.
Digital content – online porn, and social media. We carry them around in our pockets, and the algorithms are expertly designed to trap us.
Compulsive behaviours – literally anything and everything else. Sex, shopping, fitness, self-harm, anything can become compulsive as the brain tries to find balance and homeostasis in a chaotic and destabilising world.
How does addiction & compulsion counselling help?
I work with the whole person, not just the presenting addiction. This isn’t just about behaviour reduction, which is unlikely to achieve long-lasting change on its own. Most addictions are symptoms, and one symptom can have many causes. just like a headache may signal that you’re thirsty, or it may signal that you have a brain tumour, or something else in between, an addiction may signal a traumatic past, or an unmet need in the present, or something else entirely.
Addictions and compulsions are information – in therapy we ask what the message is, and how best to respond. We seek some better solution to the underlying problem – before you’re ready to give up, you have to find something that you value more. It’s not enough to stop, you have to replace it with something better.
My approach to addiction & compulsion counselling in Bournemouth
I have trained in drug & alcohol counselling specifically, and draw heavily on IFS-therapy in order to address the underlying causes of addiction and co-create a meaningful alternative with clients. This is about creating a better life entirely, not just abstinence. This is not sitting in a church hall with a styrofoam cup of instant coffee, this is talking meaningfully about what would be better – what is your life missing, and how can you get it back? Where in your past did life take that wrong turn, and how to you get back on the main path of living with passion and purpose?
Take the next step
Recovery isn’t a straight line, it’s not easy, nor should you or anyone else expect it to be. If you’re ready, click below to take the first step. I offer a free, no obligation half hour consultation where we can discuss what you’re dealing with and how counselling might be able to help.